On Don Draper.

September 21, 2009 - One Response

S: I wish Don Draper were my daddy.

C: Me too, but only if he molests me.


On becoming fitness co-instructors.

September 15, 2009 - Leave a Response

C:  I wonder how much we could make?

S: Maybe we could get a gig at your country club. And we’d be funny! That would set us apart! We’d make people laugh while working out, which would make it an even better workout!

C:  That WOULD set us apart.

S:  I always say that laughing is the thing that’s kept my abs trim. I guess I haven’t laughed enough lately.

C:  It would bring the two things that I love together. Comedy…and fitness? OK, one thing that I love.

On winning (losing).

September 14, 2009 - Leave a Response

C: 58 minutes until I’m outta here...but then I have to go meet with my new money guy. Wa wa waaaaaa.

S: 146 minutes until I’m outta here…but then I have to go to my old apartment, finish moving, and clean. Wa wa waaaa.

C: Oh, yeah…shoot! You win again.

S: I always win, haven’t you learned this?

On getting older.

September 14, 2009 - One Response

S: MTV is such a joke.

C: I know.

S: I guess that means I’m old. Shit.

On Dolly Parton.

September 14, 2009 - Leave a Response

C: Have I told you about my love for Dolly Parton?

S: No, I don’t think you have.

C: Maybe that’s why The Doctor likes me. I’m actually a gay man.

On being too seriously.

September 11, 2009 - Leave a Response

C:  Oh gosh. Well we can be too seriously.

S:  Lol, what?

C:  I have no idea. Sorry, on the phone with a travel agent. I meant to say two single girls on the city. But too seriously kinda sounds like that.

On dying young.

September 10, 2009 - Leave a Response

C: Still at home…

S: Are you still sick?!

C: Yeah, I can’t really stand without being in total pain.

S: OMG. GO TO THE HOSPITAL. What if it’s appendicitis?! You need to go!

C: Nooo it’s the same thing I always have.

S: You don’t know that! A doctor needs to look at you.

C: I don’t want a 1,000 dollar bill. It fees the same. It will go away.

S: You have insurance! Goddammit, this is why we need HEALTH CARE REFORM. Love, GO TO THE HOSPITAL. Has the pain gotten worse? What if your appendix burst yesterday when you fainted, and now you’re about to die?

C: I’m not about to die. I’m fine.

S: You don’t know that!!!

C: Well, if I die it was a good run.

S: DO NOT DIE. I will never forgive you.

C: I’m not going to. Only the good die young. And I’ve made enough mistakes to not be considered “good.”

On winning.

September 9, 2009 - Leave a Response

C: Watching Beauty and the Beast!

S: I’m listening to the president.

C: Who is winning here? Obvi me.

S: Obvi.

On showing off.

September 9, 2009 - Leave a Response

S: Check this out: http://www.time.com/time/2005/100books/the_complete_list.html. This makes zero sense. It says English-language novels, but Lolita’s on it.

C: Lolita is an English language book.

S: What! Nabokov is a Russian! Did he write it in English?

C: I know. He has an EXPERT knowledge of languages. And he wants you to know it when you read the book too.

S: Wow. I never knew! I always figured Lolita was translated from the Russian.

C: Nope, it takes place in America and everything!

S: What! So weird. What a show-off, that Nabokov.

C: I KNOW! That’s why I have problems!!

On google reader.

September 9, 2009 - Leave a Response

S:  There’s just no way this one is real: “(480): You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming ‘AFLACK!’ at everyone.” The “you were doing this crazy shit” text is a recurring one.

C:  You need to stop reading tfln. They are fake now.

S: I put it on my google reader!

C:  OMFG. There’s no saving you. THAT is on your google reader and my precious gems are NOT?!

S:  What are you talking about? You’re on my google reader!

C:  Oh, I did not know that.