Archive for the ‘Pets’ Category

On pageant moms.
August 12, 2009

C: How big is your dog now? Weight-wise?

S: 70 pounds.

C: Shiz, really? My dog is FAT. He’s 64 and a lot shorter.

S: He’s not fat, he just has a different body shape. Like a lab.

C: Um or a fat dog.

S: My dog is crazy tall and skinny. He only just recently filled out.

C: Like a model. Our dogs can’t be friends or my dog will get a complex. And the next thing I know he’ll be taking diuretics and not eating.

S: My dog knows he’s pretty. Just yesterday I was walking him, and someone pulled over and was like, “BEAUTIFUL DOG!” I was like…thanks?

C: My dog is beautiful…he’s just full-figured. Like a plus-sized model.

S: He could model for Lane Bryant.

C: He would have HUGE campaigns. No pun intended. Gucci would decide that he’s the next BIG thing. Again, no pun intended.

S: Good luck with that.

C: Oh! This is so depressing. I feel like one of those pageant moms.

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On dogs.
May 11, 2009

S: My dog has anxiety issues. I can see the worry on his face sometimes.

C: Creeeppyyyy.

S: I think it’s my fault.

C: That he’s anxious?

S: Yes, because I’m anxious, and dogs can feed off of that.

C: I’m boy crazy, and, so far, my dog is not.