Archive for the ‘Aging’ Category

On volunteerism and aging.
September 29, 2009

S: I don’t want to live 100 years unless I still have my mind and most of my body all 100 of those years; and lots of money.

C: LOOOTTTSSSSS of money, and I don’t have to hang out with other old people unless they are funny and talk about real things and don’t shit themselves.

S: and you want to volunteer at a nursing home.

On getting older.
September 14, 2009

S: MTV is such a joke.

C: I know.

S: I guess that means I’m old. Shit.

On adulthood.
September 2, 2009

S: Last night before bed I fucking FREAKED OUT that I’m TWENTY-SIX. I was like, FUCK! I’ve been out of college longer than I was in college! What the hell have I done with the last four years of my life?

C: WHY DO YOU THINK I’VE BEEN FREAKING OUT!?!?!?!? I’m about to turn 26, I’m not sure about my job, I’m not in a serious relationship, I only have a dog, and I am wrinkling up AS WE SPEAK!

On greying (graying).
August 26, 2009

C: You know what’s weird?? How people’s downstairs hair turns…

S: OMG I KNOW. So creepy to think about.

C: Which is why I get rid of mine. So I won’t know.

S: THAT’S why? You’re only 25!

C: No, but it’s a nice side effect. And I don’t think I’m going to turn gray anytime soon (or grey since you are so fancy).

S: I think grey is more grey than gray.

C: Yeah, your gray looks very English which, in turn, is more gray than my happy gray.

On…prostitution?
August 6, 2009

C: Gosh, I’m poor, aren’t I?

S: Don’t you have a trust fund?

C: Scratch out poor, replace with cheapskate? Yeah, but I’m saving that shiz for retirement.

S: Yeah, then you’re not poor at all.

C: Yeah huh.

S: C’s retirement money: lots. S’s retirement money: $0. NOT POOR.

C: C’s retirement money: sad and pathetic because of the economic downturn/the investment she made into her f-ing living accommodations. S’s: shiiiizzzz, you got a husband. He’s saving for you.

S: For now.

C: That body has got to be good for something, S. You’ll get someone else to save.

On saving for retirement.
August 4, 2009

S: I’m trying to decide if I should do a 401(k). Do you?

C: You should definitely do it. It’s not taxed, and it’s the greatest way to save money.

S: Yeah, but I can’t touch it ’til I’m 55. So basically I have to be okay with saving money that I can’t have for a long time.

C: Yeah, but don’t you want to?? You will be able to have a bad ass retirement. I would do it.

S: I’m pretty sure I’m not going to live long enough to retire.

C: Um, are you kidding?

S: Nope. I think I’m going to die young. Before I have babies, even.

C: Alright, listen to me: at least pretend to save so that they don’t take a picture of you and say, “it would only cost a $1 to feed this senior citizen.”

S: But if I’m gonna die young, I want to spend all the money I can while I’m still alive. Fuck waiting until I’m 55.

C: 55 isn’t old.

S: I didn’t say it was!

On regrets.
July 28, 2009

S: Yes, I just said “tat.”

C: Well if you got it you should start talking like someone who has a tat.

S: Someone who has THREE! I can’t believe I have three. I’m going to hate my twenty-year-old self when I’m 70.

C: Well, I have a feeling that your tats won’t be the first on the list. My first on the list is that I was a slut (not really).

S: Maybe your first will be that you wasted so much damn time feeling guilty. Guilt is SOOOO overrated.

C: HA. Do you KNOW me??! I feel guilty for even talking to a guy at the wedding.

S: I know, this is what I’m saying. Too much guilt is bad for the soul.

C: What’s good for the soul?

S: Chicken soup?

On being out of shape.
July 28, 2009

C: I gained some L-Bs this weekend. It’s pretty bad.

S: What! Not possible. I will tell you you are lying tonight.

C: No, seriously. It’s possible. It’s happened. And I’ve gained so much weight that it’s hard for me to breathe. That’s right, I am sputtering to walk a few steps.

S: That’s why smoking is useful–you can blame your poor fitness on your lungs, not your fat.

On being a grandparent.
July 23, 2009

S: My mom just updated her Facebook status about getting tickets to Disney on Ice. How can I make sure that isn’t me in thirty years?

C: Oh, sweet lord. How about this? I will kill you.

S: Deal.

On menopause.
July 18, 2009

S: Ugh, I hope I never have to have a hysterectomy. It turns you into a man overnight.

C: Yeah, premature menopause sucks.

S: If I feel unsexy sometimes now, I can’t imagine what menopause will be like.

C: Stop talking about it!!

S: It will be crushing.

C: It will be like puberty all over again. Crying, upset, temper tantrums.

S: But the opposite. Your sex is taken away from you instead of given to you. My mom went effing psycho.

C: My mom seemed ok. I didn’t even know she went through it.

S: She still hasn’t returned to normal.

C: Wow. That’s scary.