Author Archive

On windows.
October 5, 2009

S: I really need something good to happen. I’m in a bad place.

C: It’s darkest before the light. A phoenix rises from the ashes.

S: When God closes a door, he opens a window.

C: Yeah, but I don’t understand that one. It’s like, “Um…awesome, but a window is going to be a lot more difficult to get out of than a door.”

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On incest.
September 23, 2009

C: Did you hear that Mackenzie Phillips had an incestuous consensual relationship with her dad?

S: Whoa, what? Who’s Mackenzie Phillips? And is her dad Don Draper?

On intelligence.
September 22, 2009

C: “Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know.” – Hemingway

S: Fuck. I’m doomed.

C: Eh, you’re not that smart.

On complications.
September 21, 2009

C: OMFG. My life is muy complicated-o.

S: Oh, gosh. No it’s not.

C: Oh yeah. I always forget who I’m talking to.

On work governments.
September 21, 2009

C: Are you not allowed to take your lunch hour whenever? That’s totally gay.

S: Nope, not when my boss is here.

C: That is like a socialist state.

S: Dictatorship. You forget how liberal I am.

C:  Fine, it’s fascist.

S: Okay, that works.

On Don Draper.
September 21, 2009

S: I wish Don Draper were my daddy.

C: Me too, but only if he molests me.

On becoming fitness co-instructors.
September 15, 2009

C:  I wonder how much we could make?

S: Maybe we could get a gig at your country club. And we’d be funny! That would set us apart! We’d make people laugh while working out, which would make it an even better workout!

C:  That WOULD set us apart.

S:  I always say that laughing is the thing that’s kept my abs trim. I guess I haven’t laughed enough lately.

C:  It would bring the two things that I love together. Comedy…and fitness? OK, one thing that I love.

On winning (losing).
September 14, 2009

C: 58 minutes until I’m outta here...but then I have to go meet with my new money guy. Wa wa waaaaaa.

S: 146 minutes until I’m outta here…but then I have to go to my old apartment, finish moving, and clean. Wa wa waaaa.

C: Oh, yeah…shoot! You win again.

S: I always win, haven’t you learned this?

On getting older.
September 14, 2009

S: MTV is such a joke.

C: I know.

S: I guess that means I’m old. Shit.

On Dolly Parton.
September 14, 2009

C: Have I told you about my love for Dolly Parton?

S: No, I don’t think you have.

C: Maybe that’s why The Doctor likes me. I’m actually a gay man.